“少年不識愁滋味.....卻道天涼好個秋”腦海中浮現了這首詞
還記得初中時，我們要背誦一本叫”古典詩詞”的傢伙，箇中的一首詞便是這醜奴兒。
當我讀到”少年不識愁滋味”時，心中嘀咕: 什麼不識愁滋味，我現在正為如何背好這詩發愁呢。”
漸漸長大後，我開始明白到少年與成人的分別。我小時候，常會為一些想像出來的事而發愁。例如，小學的時候，我看到一套日本動話，我也不記得叫什麼名了。內容講述一個女精靈莫明奇妙的遇上片中男主角，然後他們就莫名奇妙的相愛。最後又因為身份的問題被逼分開。這情節真老套，可是當時的我就是這樣喜歡這些充滿戲劇性而虛假的情節。
我還記得故事結局的時候，男女主角終要分開，我黯淡的想:為什麼上天要這般殘忍，為什麼有情人不能終成眷。當時我連續幾日發了呆，上學時在想，食飯時也在想，甚至睡覺前也在想。是，小時候的我就會為這些想像出來的東西而感到傷痛。
又好像小時候我回內地探親時，時看到一個孤兒，腿包著厚厚染有血跡的紗布，坐在街角行乞，那時我會幻想，他的家一定是有一大群兄弟姐妹依靠著他，因為他父母都因不知什麼原因而去世，所以我一定要把口袋裡的零錢給他。第二天，我在同一地方又見到那孤兒，看見他站了起來，把手中的錢交給一個口嗆著煙的男人，當時的我也沒有想太多，遂再將口袋裡的零錢捐出去。我希望以自己的力量改變世界，即效果怎樣微小也好。
記得讀小學三年班的時候，我喜歡了一個女同學，我不斷做一些動作去吸引她的注意，而且我做盡一齊她喜歡的事，我希望藉此說服她喜歡我。這”說服”的工作連續了四年，在中一的時候我向她表白，結果當然是失敗。那時候的我不斷的問自己，是不是我有什麼做得不夠好，是不是我不夠體貼? 最後我發覺無論我怎樣做，我也她的心目中都只不過是一個nice guy.
直到我認識更多更多的女性，與她們交往，我漸漸明白女人是一種直覺動物，在她在真正認識你數秒至數分鐘之間，便已經把你歸類，而不是數日或數個星期，如果你不在她’可發展’ 的類別裡面，無論你做什麼都改變不了她這種想法。
此時此刻，詞中的後半段在腦海中湧現。
而今識盡愁滋味
欲說還休 欲說還休
卻道天涼好個秋
漸漸長大後，明白都現實的殘酷，自己的渺少，也許對現實中的無奈與不如意已漸漸麻目了，為求生存，在塵世中總難以避免隨波逐流。當人習慣了愁的滋味後，便不再說愁，一切都默默承受，並一步一步的捱過去。唯在秋風的輕拂下，得到一絲慰藉，覓得心靈的容身處。
但我心中的信念仍沒有一絲的改變，也許不切實際，but its the way I am. 當年自強不息的校訓依然深深的烙印在心中。
2010年10月6日 星期三
到台後的一個月
不知不覺，來到台灣已經一個月了，其間認識了不少新的朋友，同房的室友們都很友善。初來報到時，赫見三個室友都從馬來西亞來，擔心與他們難以溝通，遂發當他們懂聽懂說廣東話，心中暗暗稱奇。
快一個月了，功課方面頗輕鬆，不少的課程早以在香港中學時期授畢。倒是覺得飯堂的食物質素當是強差人意，不過，我也明白相比於其他東南亞國家而言，我們的已經算是不錯了。
生活上的一切，大概也處理得妥妥當當，但仍有改善的地方，我會繼續努力的。
在這裡，我認識了一個女生，挺可愛的，真是很高興認識她。可是，心中好像有一厥回聲響起 : “怎樣也好，你不要想太多好了。”我側一下頭，細想，不知如何反駁自己。遂拿起凳後的手提包，眼角瞥她一眼，轉身便離開，直往飯堂去。
寫到這裡，不禁輕嘆一聲，當年.....我再不是當年的我了....當時的我是如何天真的想跟她建立一段認真關係......我....
擺了，情愛之事本為飄渺，何必強求，一切平常心便好了。
吾為凡人，難斷六根，只求不再於愛恨之間輪迴。
2010年8月14日 星期六
昨天的我，今天的我。
不知不覺，我已經來到台灣十多日了。如我所料，我並沒有太掛念在香港的事與人。偶而赫見舊日同學的照片，嘴角微微上揚就是了。最想不到的是，那個朋友還會跟我聯絡。我倆都為著自己的理想各奔前程，不知幾年後重遇又會是什麼的一番境象?
2010年8月10日 星期二
久違了的blog
不知不覺間，有好幾個月沒有更新這個blog了。
也不知道有沒有人來看，但也罷了，當初成立這blog時，也沒有想過會不會有人來看，只將它當作為生活的紀錄。
最近發生了許多事，大部分都令人懊惱得很，家家有本難諗的經，很多事都只好藏在心中，一一自己去承受。小時候我常因家庭的問題暗自在床上哭泣，但不知從什麼時候，我不再哭了，可能淚水早已留乾了，又可能我的心態已經在不知不覺間改變了，亦可能是習慣了。從那時開始，我便不相信愛，不相信家庭，對朋友同學很多時都有所保留。
環境令人堅強。尼采在書中對我說”If it doesn’t kill you, it makes you stronger.”只要你咬緊牙關，當難關捱過後，你總會有所得着。現在，我不會讓自己哭，因為哭是不能解決任何的問題。我不會哭的同時，也忘記了如何去笑。對著家人，對著朋友，我常在他們面前笑，在任何難關上，也是如此。也許不我想他們去擔心，又我是藉此告訴自己我是不會放棄的。自強不息，我一直本著這四個字去做人。如果有一日，我能夠毫無保留去擁著一個人去哭，這個將會是我最信任，最令我感到幸福的人。
還記得初中的時候，我常看愛情小說，當時的我對愛情充滿了憧憬，我希望能夠找回童年所失去的東西。這種憧憬持續了三年，後來我明白到原來小說的一切去現實都是不一樣的。當憧憬破滅了，我便不再去追尋愛情﹐因為我明白到在找到愛情之前，你必須先找到自己，所以從當時直到現在，我不斷地閱讀，希望從書中找到自己。看書，就是由作者的眼去看世界。Steve Jobs曾經這樣說，”people always don’t know what they want” 。很多人對自己並不認識，因為很多時候人都受世俗的價值觀所影響。靠著書本，我們能在書中每一塊碎片找回那一直沉睡的忖v，喚醒自我。當人真正認識自我，找會知道自己所追求的什麼，愛情便是將這個自我擴大的其中一個方法。但如果你還沒有找到那個內在的自我，我所擁有的愛情只是徙有空殼。
我問自己，我到底是什麼時候想成為一位獸醫。還記我幼時一直很想要一隻狗作為寵物，為什麼不是貓呢? 我想可能受的我的細姨所影響。記得我少時候，我常走到細姨家找表哥玩。細姨常在我和表哥面前講她以往養狗的事。我想就是因為這令我愛上了狗，記得我中一的時候﹐我養第一隻狗，當時我真的很興奮，我將牠當作我的弟弟一樣的去適心照顧，相信那一段最常笑的一段時期。我經常攬著牠，每當有什麼令人難過的事，我都會扭著牠去哭，跟牠傾訴，狗就是這麼有靈性，牠好像知我痛心，會回頭舔舐我的淚。我好像從小便對”家人”有種莫命奇妙的疏離感，有很多事我寧可跟狗說也不會跟父母說。起初我以為其他小孩也是一樣，十分正常，後我發覺原來我身邊的朋友常跟他們的父母傾訴心事，當發現這個事實後，我便常問我自己為什麼我跟他不一樣，為什麼我從來沒有父母對過任何關於我的事，無論在學校，或在朋友之間發生的事。為了明白那個原因，那幾年我常常讀心理學和哲學書籍，希望從中得到啓發。當時一些不明白我的同學便會暗地裡說我裝高深，就只有那些真正認識我的人才明白我不是這一種人，我亦不多作解釋。後來有一日我終於明白了到底是什麼原因，十六七年來我一直處於一個面臨裂的家庭，就好像住在一橦快要倒蹋的大厦，那種不安全的感覺充斥着我的童年，我完全不敢觸碰這橦大厦，我害怕一經觸碰便會破壞整個微妙的平衡，整橦大厦便蹋下來，對於小時候的我，我的整個世界便是這個家庭，所以我寧願保持現狀。在心理學上，這現象是一種學名叫”absolute terror field”的東西。隨住長大，經歷多了，我的世界不再只有家庭，那種恐懼的感覺漸漸變成疏離。所以我常對自己說，他朝一日我組織家庭，我絕不會重蹈父母的路，因為我很明白如果一個孩子在這種家庭成長會是多麼的痛苦。
續(我的人生如無意外應該會繼續的吧)
2010年7月8日 星期四
Wazz up? Let's come up with such messy stuff.
Too many stuffs I have to come up with.
Who can help me get out of them.
2010年6月29日 星期二
Don't ever think of girl LOL
Dun ever think of girl.
ever,ever,ever...
Not telling you I am gay, just because I’ve seen too much truth.
We’re often veiled by the elegance of love
But ignore the cruelty behind it.
So my call is not to get any touch of it.
LOL
2010年6月16日 星期三
I am all alone
I am all alone
especially when it comes to silent nights
But I’m already used to it.
Peace in heart
That’s my dream
Whatever,
I must keep going on,
My journey,
My Life.
2010年6月8日 星期二
I am Lucifer,
The god of hell fire,
To see you suffer,
Is my only desire.
For I am evil,
Right through to the bone.
Take a look at my heart,
It's made out of stone.
Pray fervently to god,
That impotent foe.
With all the people in the world,
My evil will grow.
I'll strike up more wars,
My favourite game,
And sit back and laugh,
At the terror and pain.
Watch humans stoop,
To depths unexplored.
You are quite imaginative,
I never get bored.
When you think you've reached,
The extent of your pain.
I'll just put you back,
At the beginning again.
Just to watch you squirm,
And beg to die.
So I can tease you more,
With a gleam in my eye.
For I am Lucifer,
The only god you respect.
I have no mercy,
Just as you'd expect.
2010年5月25日 星期二
2010年5月23日 星期日
I hate this fucking place
I wanna go! I wanna go! I wanna go!
It’s really painful to stay here.
What can I do?
2010年5月22日 星期六
死因不明
今天從教會歸家後，赫然發覺一位故人來信，內容令人心碎，更令我摸不著頭腦。我嘴角微顫，心裡總覺得不是味兒。
信息中簡述我倆從今割席分坐，互不相交。
我拭了拭雙眼，我細想，我應該沒有誤會文中深意吧。
這個人可不是開玩笑的哦，更不是語帶雙關。
可是問題來了，雖然我跟此人頗投契，卻不過是萍水相逢，那來席以割? 更甚的是，我可沒有跟此人有任何爭執，為何頃刻間將席割斷，不留餘地呢?
如果說，此人代另一位人士轉述，卻為何不留下任何線索呢?
要我像福爾摩斯去抽絲剝繭，㕷們是交朋友，可不是查案哦。
朋友貴於誠，這是我一直對交朋友的宗旨。
怎樣也好，我是非常珍惜每一段友誼。
可是，友誼是雙向，互動的，單方面的付出是不能建設出任何成果。
擺了，這可能是佛家所說的䤸滅，人世間的一切，都不過是䤸所帶來的相，人很多時侯都會執著於俗世間的相，這執著帶給人貪，嗔，痴，三毒，這為人苦惱的源頭。但人經過種種人事變遷後，便會漸漸悟到，佛學中的見山是山，見山不是山，見山仍是山的道理。人看見山後將其定義為山，可是仔細再看，山可不是山，而一大堆石頭，並為草木蓋之。而最後見山仍是山，不是指人退步了，因為這階段是指人有所覺悟，破執了。山只不過是人給予其的相，假如沒有人，又何來有山這個名詞呢。所以，當我們(人)再望向山時，發覺原來還是山。這就是可破了他相。不敢說我看破了什麼，要是我看破了，就不會在此打了這一篇文章。我打此文的原因便是去讓自己思考，自省。我們說吾日三醒吾身，當我打文章的時候，會讓靜靜的去思考，去反省。
基督讓我體驗愛，但佛學令我明白如何放低。
我覺得兩者並沒有什麼衝突，這樣反而讓我領悟得更多，更深入，更能睇會到人生在世的意義。
2010年5月7日 星期五
To my friend
Dear friend,
How are you? I miss you so much. Though we met only few times, I thought you were a good guy to talk to.
I really dun know what happens between us. If I do something wrong, I am willing to say sorry.
Maybe my passion scares you? If so, I am so sorry about that. I always treat my friend this way.
Really, I didn’t feel angry about what you had done to me. I just felt confused, just like walking in the mist.
Anyway, I really treat as my friend.
Again, sorry if I made you unhappy.
How are you? I miss you so much. Though we met only few times, I thought you were a good guy to talk to.
I really dun know what happens between us. If I do something wrong, I am willing to say sorry.
Maybe my passion scares you? If so, I am so sorry about that. I always treat my friend this way.
Really, I didn’t feel angry about what you had done to me. I just felt confused, just like walking in the mist.
Anyway, I really treat as my friend.
Again, sorry if I made you unhappy.
2010年5月6日 星期四
The sadness behind smile
“ Everyone’s life concerns other’s “ heard from someone
I always believe there’s some kind of connection between humanity.
This connection heads us together, making us feel alive.
But I lose it. I can’t even find any clue in my life. The connection seems to disappear.
I am afraid. I try hard to trace my connection, to find myself meaning.
Sometimes, I really envy Frances. She met her soulmate ,Sophia. A close relationship that they can share everything.
Though, I have couple of close friends. I just dun know why I dare not open my heart to them.
Maybe I am waiting for a good listener, the right guy to listen the call inside my heart.
Will I meet that guy someday, somewhere?
This is the one we call, life parter.
The one that completes your life.
“ The place we work out together is family, isn’t it? “ words I heard from someone.
I really dun know how to answer this question.
Maybe I never feel to be in a family long time ago.
I can’t even picture how a typical family is. What will they do in the weekend?
What will they talk about. How will they celebrate in festivals.
For me, maybe, family is only a word without meaning.
I really want to know the feeling being in a family, to be one of them, since I was young.
So I always tell myself not to hurt anyone I love. I swear.
I always believe there’s some kind of connection between humanity.
This connection heads us together, making us feel alive.
But I lose it. I can’t even find any clue in my life. The connection seems to disappear.
I am afraid. I try hard to trace my connection, to find myself meaning.
Sometimes, I really envy Frances. She met her soulmate ,Sophia. A close relationship that they can share everything.
Though, I have couple of close friends. I just dun know why I dare not open my heart to them.
Maybe I am waiting for a good listener, the right guy to listen the call inside my heart.
Will I meet that guy someday, somewhere?
This is the one we call, life parter.
The one that completes your life.
“ The place we work out together is family, isn’t it? “ words I heard from someone.
I really dun know how to answer this question.
Maybe I never feel to be in a family long time ago.
I can’t even picture how a typical family is. What will they do in the weekend?
What will they talk about. How will they celebrate in festivals.
For me, maybe, family is only a word without meaning.
I really want to know the feeling being in a family, to be one of them, since I was young.
So I always tell myself not to hurt anyone I love. I swear.
2010年4月29日 星期四
In this country
This is a very inspiring song, the theme song of over the top.
“Never beat yourself, never get yourself beaten.”
The miles go by
Like water under the bridge
Reach for tomorrow
With the new sunrise
The road before us
Leading to what we need
Right from the start
Follow your hearts
Giving more than we receive
´Cause in this country
Our hearts are open
We are free to try again
When we see
What will be
Again we believe
I travel on an open road
To the future today
A restless heart
Knows when he´s ready to go
the never-ending miles unfold
As far as I can see
Right from the start
Follow your heart
No matter where the path may lead
´Cause in this country
Our hearts are open
We are free to fly again
When we see
What will be
Again we believe
You know the road is to tomorrow
Will you ride along with me again ?
Give my life for yours
If you only say the word
From the past to the new
Giving more than you receive
´Cause in this country...
“Never beat yourself, never get yourself beaten.”
The miles go by
Like water under the bridge
Reach for tomorrow
With the new sunrise
The road before us
Leading to what we need
Right from the start
Follow your hearts
Giving more than we receive
´Cause in this country
Our hearts are open
We are free to try again
When we see
What will be
Again we believe
I travel on an open road
To the future today
A restless heart
Knows when he´s ready to go
the never-ending miles unfold
As far as I can see
Right from the start
Follow your heart
No matter where the path may lead
´Cause in this country
Our hearts are open
We are free to fly again
When we see
What will be
Again we believe
You know the road is to tomorrow
Will you ride along with me again ?
Give my life for yours
If you only say the word
From the past to the new
Giving more than you receive
´Cause in this country...
2010年4月20日 星期二
Pet Shop Boys Being Boring
Pet Shop Boys Being Boring Lyrics
I came across a cache of old photos
And invitations to teenage parties
"Dress in white" one said, with quotations
From someone's wife, a famous writer
In the nineteen-twenties
When you're young you find inspiration
In anyone who's ever gone
And opened up a closing door
She said: "We were never feeling bored
'Cause we were never being boring
We had too much time to find for ourselves
And we were never being boring
We dressed up and fought, then thought: "Make amends"
And we were never holding back or worried that
Time would come to an end"
When I went I left from the station
With a haversack and some trepidation
Someone said: "If you're not careful
You'll have nothing left and nothing to care for
In the nineteen-seventies"
But I sat back and looking forward
My shoes were high and I had scored
I'd bolted through a closing door
I would never find myself feeling bored
'Cause we were never being boring
We had too much time to find for ourselves
And we were never being boring
We dressed up and fought, then thought: "Make amends"
And we were never holding back or worried that
Time would come to an end
We were always hoping that, looking back
You could always rely on a friend
Now I sit with different faces
In rented rooms and foreign places
All the people I was kissing
Some are here and some are missing
In the nineteen-nineties
I never dreamt that I would get to be
The creature that I always meant to be
But I thought in spite of dreams
You'd be sitting somewhere here with me
'Cause we were never being boring
We had too much time to find for ourselves
And we were never being boring
We dressed up and fought, then thought: "Make amends"
And we were never holding back or worried that
Time would come to an end
We were always hoping that, looking back
You could always rely on a friend
And we were never being boring
We had too much time to find for ourselves
And we were never being boring
We dressed up and fought, then thought: "Make amends"
And we were never being boring
We were never being bored
'Cause we were never being boring
We were never being bored
I came across a cache of old photos
And invitations to teenage parties
"Dress in white" one said, with quotations
From someone's wife, a famous writer
In the nineteen-twenties
When you're young you find inspiration
In anyone who's ever gone
And opened up a closing door
She said: "We were never feeling bored
'Cause we were never being boring
We had too much time to find for ourselves
And we were never being boring
We dressed up and fought, then thought: "Make amends"
And we were never holding back or worried that
Time would come to an end"
When I went I left from the station
With a haversack and some trepidation
Someone said: "If you're not careful
You'll have nothing left and nothing to care for
In the nineteen-seventies"
But I sat back and looking forward
My shoes were high and I had scored
I'd bolted through a closing door
I would never find myself feeling bored
'Cause we were never being boring
We had too much time to find for ourselves
And we were never being boring
We dressed up and fought, then thought: "Make amends"
And we were never holding back or worried that
Time would come to an end
We were always hoping that, looking back
You could always rely on a friend
Now I sit with different faces
In rented rooms and foreign places
All the people I was kissing
Some are here and some are missing
In the nineteen-nineties
I never dreamt that I would get to be
The creature that I always meant to be
But I thought in spite of dreams
You'd be sitting somewhere here with me
'Cause we were never being boring
We had too much time to find for ourselves
And we were never being boring
We dressed up and fought, then thought: "Make amends"
And we were never holding back or worried that
Time would come to an end
We were always hoping that, looking back
You could always rely on a friend
And we were never being boring
We had too much time to find for ourselves
And we were never being boring
We dressed up and fought, then thought: "Make amends"
And we were never being boring
We were never being bored
'Cause we were never being boring
We were never being bored
2010年4月18日 星期日
心中像是缺少了什麼
不知為何，好像有點東西遺忘了。
就好像一組拼圖，當快要完成時卻發現邊緣的一小角有一塊拼圖不見了。
缺少了它，生命彷彿變得不完整。
我不斷尋找，希望能找到那屬於我的碎片。
一年一年過去了，我遺忘了那個缺口。
但最近，當心靜下來時，才驚覺那缺口原來從沒有消失。
為尋回那失落的碎片，我決定往世界的盡處。
相信這個世界會告訴我那個想不通，猜不透問題的答案
有人說，人所追求的是愛情。那我追求的又是不是呢? 我不知道。或者不是。
愛情這回事很難去追求。當中有太多主觀因素所控制。
往往執著於愛情的人，他們到最後都是一無所獲。
而我對愛情的態度是堅持。
要做到堅持卻不執著是不易的。堅持是對自己信念的肯定，相反執著是對對方的佔有。
但這兩种心態卻是相依的，有正必有負。
人沒有完美的，所以我們唯一可以做是提醒自己。I am the way I am.
在今天利益為上的社會，為了生存，我們不得不随波逐流，但亦希望在內心最深處堅守最後一處道德高地，
用最純潔的心去感受愛。妳感受到我內心的爭扎? 我希望尋找一個可以分享內心深處的她。我會遇到你嗎?
數年的男校生活的沉澱，我明白到我需要的不是伴我吃喝玩樂的人，而是能與我進行深入心靈交流的soulmate.
就好像一組拼圖，當快要完成時卻發現邊緣的一小角有一塊拼圖不見了。
缺少了它，生命彷彿變得不完整。
我不斷尋找，希望能找到那屬於我的碎片。
一年一年過去了，我遺忘了那個缺口。
但最近，當心靜下來時，才驚覺那缺口原來從沒有消失。
為尋回那失落的碎片，我決定往世界的盡處。
相信這個世界會告訴我那個想不通，猜不透問題的答案
有人說，人所追求的是愛情。那我追求的又是不是呢? 我不知道。或者不是。
愛情這回事很難去追求。當中有太多主觀因素所控制。
往往執著於愛情的人，他們到最後都是一無所獲。
而我對愛情的態度是堅持。
要做到堅持卻不執著是不易的。堅持是對自己信念的肯定，相反執著是對對方的佔有。
但這兩种心態卻是相依的，有正必有負。
人沒有完美的，所以我們唯一可以做是提醒自己。I am the way I am.
在今天利益為上的社會，為了生存，我們不得不随波逐流，但亦希望在內心最深處堅守最後一處道德高地，
用最純潔的心去感受愛。妳感受到我內心的爭扎? 我希望尋找一個可以分享內心深處的她。我會遇到你嗎?
數年的男校生活的沉澱，我明白到我需要的不是伴我吃喝玩樂的人，而是能與我進行深入心靈交流的soulmate.
2010年4月17日 星期六
2010年4月16日 星期五
2010年4月10日 星期六
GIVE MY SELF A MEANING, hah?
What is life, that’s the question.
It seems that I can never figure out the answer
I think a lot, read a lot. But at the end, it’s still empty - my soul. My mind is blank.
Everything is just like programed. Or I want myself to be programed? To adapt the changing society, or to be someone people suppose. Maybe I just feel much safer when others dun realize who I really am.
Soul is the meaning of one’s life. I always try hard to find myself meaning. They change from time to time, from place to place, for different reasons.
Ultimately, I just dun really know who I am.
I am always alone, not socially but psychologically.
Inside me, it likes a black hole, cold, dark and empty.
There’s neither trust nor love.
To this phenomenon, I gradually become indifferent and then be used to.
I am really afraid to be used to it.
It seems that I can never figure out the answer
I think a lot, read a lot. But at the end, it’s still empty - my soul. My mind is blank.
Everything is just like programed. Or I want myself to be programed? To adapt the changing society, or to be someone people suppose. Maybe I just feel much safer when others dun realize who I really am.
Soul is the meaning of one’s life. I always try hard to find myself meaning. They change from time to time, from place to place, for different reasons.
Ultimately, I just dun really know who I am.
I am always alone, not socially but psychologically.
Inside me, it likes a black hole, cold, dark and empty.
There’s neither trust nor love.
To this phenomenon, I gradually become indifferent and then be used to.
I am really afraid to be used to it.
2010年4月4日 星期日
2010年3月30日 星期二
I am a dead man
I am dead, my soul is dead.
I try to find my own meaning for years. When I think I find it, it tells me there’s another meaning beyond it.
Keep finding. It seems that there’s never an end.
One says love is the final destination. Really?
Or there’s still another, death?
I try to find my own meaning for years. When I think I find it, it tells me there’s another meaning beyond it.
Keep finding. It seems that there’s never an end.
One says love is the final destination. Really?
Or there’s still another, death?
2010年3月26日 星期五
If I were Hitler....
Hitler, a man with unprecedented charm, is really a miracle.
Instead of saying that I show cult of hitler, I would rather say this is the cult of power
It seems to be complicated, but .......
speechless...
Instead of saying that I show cult of hitler, I would rather say this is the cult of power
It seems to be complicated, but .......
speechless...
2010年3月21日 星期日
Meaning
We always ask why. But seems many things in the world do not have reasons.
For example, why I am not as intelligent as that man. Why I am not as pretty as that woman.
There’s so many why fills up our mind.
But from another angle, asking why is necessary to give our live meaning.
Give us a change to know who we are.
If we dun ask why, it seems there’s something miss in our live.
I just dun know why Im typing these words at mid of the night
Night
For example, why I am not as intelligent as that man. Why I am not as pretty as that woman.
There’s so many why fills up our mind.
But from another angle, asking why is necessary to give our live meaning.
Give us a change to know who we are.
If we dun ask why, it seems there’s something miss in our live.
I just dun know why Im typing these words at mid of the night
Night
2010年3月16日 星期二
2010年3月12日 星期五
Just thinking about what to type
I reli some inspiration.
Maybe I need a walk. To see what the world reli is.
ahhhhhhhhh
心中若是惘然，泛加了一片片蓮倚
Maybe I need a walk. To see what the world reli is.
ahhhhhhhhh
心中若是惘然，泛加了一片片蓮倚
2010年3月9日 星期二
Start a collab, channel on youtube
I am planing to launch a new youtube collab. channel on the youtube.
Plz stay tune on my blog. Thx
Plz stay tune on my blog. Thx
2010年2月9日 星期二
TO BE HONEST I REALLY HATE BEING AT HOME BUT I GET NO CHOICE
I AM REALLY FED UP WITH MY MUM.
I WANNA GO, GO FAR FROM MY HOME
I FEEL DESPERATE TO MY LIFE
FML
I WANNA GO, GO FAR FROM MY HOME
I FEEL DESPERATE TO MY LIFE
FML
2010年2月4日 星期四
Porn. Hard or Soft ??
What is soft/hard porn.
I know what porns are, but just dun reli know what do the adjs mean lol
I know what porns are, but just dun reli know what do the adjs mean lol
2010年1月31日 星期日
2010年1月25日 星期一
2010年1月24日 星期日
A goodbye kiss
I want nothing but you.
But it makes my feel guilty of trying to occupy one’s all
Love should not to be like that,
But Love always follows with jealousy hatred and so many.
There’s always an internal tug-of-war inside me.
Whether I should love or not
I want my life stay peace, but love makes my heart beat
Make me feel like missing something inside my heart.
‘’O.O’‘
But it makes my feel guilty of trying to occupy one’s all
Love should not to be like that,
But Love always follows with jealousy hatred and so many.
There’s always an internal tug-of-war inside me.
Whether I should love or not
I want my life stay peace, but love makes my heart beat
Make me feel like missing something inside my heart.
‘’O.O’‘
thought provoking
Just feel somehow lonely. In the morning, at night.
It’s not a good feeling to find that you are alone when you wake up
This feeling drives me mad.
Anyway, Fuck my life.
It’s not a good feeling to find that you are alone when you wake up
This feeling drives me mad.
Anyway, Fuck my life.
2010年1月23日 星期六
2010年1月21日 星期四
In the edge of death
Just couple minutes ago, my friend told my she nearly jumped off her flat that made my feel life was that vulnerable. I dun know if it’s true. But I choose to believe. I think we should be always serious on talking about life. I just dun know why I care about her so much. IDK
By Lucifer.
By Lucifer.
2010年1月18日 星期一
2010年1月17日 星期日
I know I know
When I am loss, lucifer’s there
When I am sad, lucifer’s still there
Bearing my sufferings, without even a sigh
I know you’re there, my beloved lucifer, forever.
You make today’s Anthony.
When I am sad, lucifer’s still there
Bearing my sufferings, without even a sigh
I know you’re there, my beloved lucifer, forever.
You make today’s Anthony.
2010年1月16日 星期六
A day of meaningless lol
Let’s show you some of my recent photos
I was so busy this few days that made my feel some kind of loss
I dun know what its about
I was so busy this few days that made my feel some kind of loss
I dun know what its about
2010年1月10日 星期日
2010年1月9日 星期六
Complicated feelings
What I am supposed to be? Who I am supposed to love?
Who control the world, the unseen power, is that god? the so called destiny. Or just happen ramdomly. Why I am anthony but not someone else at other corner of the world. I think therefore I am. Sometimes questions are more powerful and the answers.
Who control the world, the unseen power, is that god? the so called destiny. Or just happen ramdomly. Why I am anthony but not someone else at other corner of the world. I think therefore I am. Sometimes questions are more powerful and the answers.
2010年1月8日 星期五
2010年1月6日 星期三
Be strong.
Sometimes you may feel depressed, somehow.
I must have my own plan. lol
I really need it.
Destiny!? You can do nothing to change it.
Some people said, 80% of your future is in others hand.
What you can do is only that little, feeling of being incapable.
Anyway, that’s the truth. It’d better for us to face it positively, rather than grumbling.
Bruce Lee, one of my favorite movie star, said “The meaning of live is to develop and implement our value and strength without any regret.”
So, we should also do your best until the last breath.
To ignite our live. To make them brighter and brighter.
So we can feel we are really really living, not a “dead” man.
END~
I must have my own plan. lol
I really need it.
Destiny!? You can do nothing to change it.
Some people said, 80% of your future is in others hand.
What you can do is only that little, feeling of being incapable.
Anyway, that’s the truth. It’d better for us to face it positively, rather than grumbling.
Bruce Lee, one of my favorite movie star, said “The meaning of live is to develop and implement our value and strength without any regret.”
So, we should also do your best until the last breath.
To ignite our live. To make them brighter and brighter.
So we can feel we are really really living, not a “dead” man.
END~
2010年1月5日 星期二
hah hah hah?!
This few days, I always listen to Avatar’s OST.
Especially the theme song - I see you.
Magnificent?! Fabulous?! Marvelous ?!
The whole song is just like a dream, describing an Utopia
A world that all of use long for, but is it really existed?
I choose to believe. Sometimes being innocent is a kind of fortune, isn’t it?
A Paradise...
Btw, I’ve taken an effing interesting photo near my school.
Believing god saves you and your family!!
If so, I bet I must fall into hell after the so-called judgement day lol
I am just kidding. To say again, I respect all religions.
They have right to believe what they choose to believe.
If my words are somehow offensive, I am sorry for that. lol
END~
Especially the theme song - I see you.
Magnificent?! Fabulous?! Marvelous ?!
Walking through a dream
I see you
My light in darkness breathing hope of new life
Now I live through you and you through me
Enchanted
I pray in my heart that this dream never ends
I see me through your eyes
Living through life flying high
Your life shines the way into paradise
So I offer my life as a sacrifice
I live through your love
You teach me how to see
All that’s beautiful
My senses touch your word I never pictured
Now I give my hope to you
I surrender
I pray in my heart that this world never ends
I see me through your eyes
Living through life flying high
Your love shines the way into paradise
So I offer my life
I offer my love, for you
When my heart was never open
(and my spirit never free)
To the world that you have shown me
But my eyes could not division
All the colors of love and of life ever more
Evermore
(I see me through your eyes)
I see me through your eyes
(Living through life flying high)
Flying high
Your love shines the way into paradise
So I offer my life as a sacrifice
And live through your love
And live through your life
I see you
I see you
The whole song is just like a dream, describing an Utopia
A world that all of use long for, but is it really existed?
I choose to believe. Sometimes being innocent is a kind of fortune, isn’t it?
A Paradise...
Btw, I’ve taken an effing interesting photo near my school.
Believing god saves you and your family!!
If so, I bet I must fall into hell after the so-called judgement day lol
I am just kidding. To say again, I respect all religions.
They have right to believe what they choose to believe.
If my words are somehow offensive, I am sorry for that. lol
END~
2010年1月4日 星期一
The New Day of My journal
Last night, I dream axxxxy. It’s freaking weird. Yes, it’s weird to dream a person without actually knowing him/her.
To be honest, I am afraid that’s true. I fancy her. Or love her?
Just forget it. OKay
Let’s talk about today’s school life. I screwed up in some subject. hah.
There will be a remedial plan for it. So, I get to put more effort on it.
You know what, I always think about her. That’s feeling is really like some kinds of nuisance? Before this, I just live like a normal student.
Eat, Study, and Play.
But how come now I get another stuff to deal with, “thinking about her” ???
I dun know, I dun know.
Just keep going and lets see what will happen.
Waiting for a bus!! It’s effing crowded.
To be honest, I am afraid that’s true. I fancy her. Or love her?
Just forget it. OKay
Let’s talk about today’s school life. I screwed up in some subject. hah.
There will be a remedial plan for it. So, I get to put more effort on it.
You know what, I always think about her. That’s feeling is really like some kinds of nuisance? Before this, I just live like a normal student.
Eat, Study, and Play.
But how come now I get another stuff to deal with, “thinking about her” ???
I dun know, I dun know.
Just keep going and lets see what will happen.
Waiting for a bus!! It’s effing crowded.
2010年1月3日 星期日
there must be something wrong
I am just ab bit confused. Why wiil I dream a girl that I even have not seen her with my eye. WERID. lol
Dinner alone
My mum went out.
And I gotta dine myself.
Let’s see what my dinner is.
Umm....amazing.
Im not kidding. This’s really yummy, though it looks not that good.
I dun even recognize this restaurant, even I’ve living here over ten years.
$30 lol
And I gotta dine myself.
Let’s see what my dinner is.
Umm....amazing.
Im not kidding. This’s really yummy, though it looks not that good.
I dun even recognize this restaurant, even I’ve living here over ten years.
$30 lol
2010年1月2日 星期六
The third day of the twenty ten
Hi, everyone.
This few days I will be very busy. Maybe I get no time to upload new entries
Plz be patience, everything will back to normal as soon as possible
btw, I want to take this opportunity to encourage Joe .
Cheer up, man !!!
This few days I will be very busy. Maybe I get no time to upload new entries
Plz be patience, everything will back to normal as soon as possible
btw, I want to take this opportunity to encourage Joe .
Cheer up, man !!!
Assassin and lifeguard
Today I went to watch movie “Body guard and Assassin” with Olive and Fat Hui
I dun even know olive knows Fat Hui, and so dose her.
$40 for a ticket lol
Boo...it’s effing exciting. Bloodshed and bloodshed.
To add something, when I was waiting them, I saw a Charming Girl with a red latticed jacket.
She’s that different from any I’ve ever met. Was that so-called soulmate? lol. That,s bullshit, I know.
lol
Yes, she’s just right beside the picture. I love her look when reading books. In chinese, we say this is “ 書卷氣”
I quite like this book store, giving me a kind of comfortable feeling, making me felt like staying at home.
The staff will not wander around. Everything is that normal but comfortable.
Besides, I found a very eye-catching book there.
Chaplin is one of my favorite comedian. He is really a legend.
Every gesture and eye contact seem to be alive.
Sorry, I just cannot imagine he’s that handsome when he was young. Just like a british Gentlemen, Wow
A funny warning sign. 分分鐘 is spoken language in chinese. It means “u re likely to....” something like that.
Chinese is a difficult language, especially cantonese. So many of many british and canadian friend don’t like it.
LOL “It’s effing complicated” they always say that.
It’s truly a book written by a local writer. But with a creative packing???
I dun know. Just feel it’s interesting.
This’s olive’s dinner. Claypot Rice with an egg.(uncooked) lol
That’s mine, yummy lol......
I dun even know olive knows Fat Hui, and so dose her.
$40 for a ticket lol
Boo...it’s effing exciting. Bloodshed and bloodshed.
To add something, when I was waiting them, I saw a Charming Girl with a red latticed jacket.
She’s that different from any I’ve ever met. Was that so-called soulmate? lol. That,s bullshit, I know.
lol
Yes, she’s just right beside the picture. I love her look when reading books. In chinese, we say this is “ 書卷氣”
I quite like this book store, giving me a kind of comfortable feeling, making me felt like staying at home.
The staff will not wander around. Everything is that normal but comfortable.
Besides, I found a very eye-catching book there.
Chaplin is one of my favorite comedian. He is really a legend.
Every gesture and eye contact seem to be alive.
Sorry, I just cannot imagine he’s that handsome when he was young. Just like a british Gentlemen, Wow
A funny warning sign. 分分鐘 is spoken language in chinese. It means “u re likely to....” something like that.
Chinese is a difficult language, especially cantonese. So many of many british and canadian friend don’t like it.
LOL “It’s effing complicated” they always say that.
It’s truly a book written by a local writer. But with a creative packing???
I dun know. Just feel it’s interesting.
This’s olive’s dinner. Claypot Rice with an egg.(uncooked) lol
That’s mine, yummy lol......
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