GIVE MY SELF A MEANING, hah?

What is life, that’s the question.
It seems that I can never figure out the answer
I think a lot, read a lot. But at the end, it’s still empty - my soul. My mind is blank.
Everything is just like programed. Or I want myself to be programed? To adapt the changing society, or to be someone people suppose. Maybe I just feel much safer when others dun realize who I really am.
Soul is the meaning of one’s life. I always try hard to find myself meaning. They change from time to time, from place to place, for different reasons.
Ultimately, I just dun really know who I am.
I am always alone, not socially but psychologically.
Inside me, it likes a black hole, cold, dark and empty.
There’s neither trust nor love.
To this phenomenon, I gradually become indifferent and then be used to.
I am really afraid to be used to it.